Tomorrow my cousin Simon arrives in America from Shanghai. This is the first time he’s been here, and as he didn’t hesitate to point out,

“You know, this could be the only time I ever come here. That’s why I want you to come to California with me!”

He’s a tricksy fellow.

So, tomorrow I’m going to meet him at my Las Vegas home and later we shall embark on an epic journey wherein I discover the limits of my endurance (that won’t take very long) and my inner tour guide (where’s the food?). It’s going to be immensely painful.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s my favorite relative, but abruptly going from my current lifestyle of getting no exercise except carrying groceries twice a week (it’s actually quite strenuous, I’m always on the cusp of injuring myself because I only want to make one trip) to hitting 3 theme parks in 3 cities in one week is not going to be happy fun times for me. I fully expect that he will have to drag my heat-stroked boneless corpus from the Golden Gate Bridge to Sea World.

He asked for it.